April, 2026 – Sustenance

Just a year ago, I was probably as close to being on my death-bed as I ever will until I’m – on my death-bed.  From what I could discern, I had Influenza A.  My symptoms fulfilled every symptom mentioned concerning the virus on a particular website.

A dear friend wanted to take me to a hospital in Brasov (Romania) – and my very weak reply was, “No, I don’t want to die today . . . “   To be admitted to a hospital in Romania is nearly as ‘good’ as a death sentence – and for me with my immune system rock bottom, I knew for sure it would be.

For six weeks I coughed incessantly until my rib cage was so sore it was great pain to even breathe short breaths.  I could barely make it 9 steps around the corner of my bedroom to the bathroom – and couldn’t make it to the kitchen about 12 steps away without crumpling to the floor.  I didn’t shower for weeks, never brushed my teeth – or my hair – and when at about the four-week mark of the virus I thought to look at myself in the mirror – I gasped!!  I was literally frightened by my appearance.

I had taken two rounds of antibiotics – sprayed my throat with peroxide and then noticed that my fingernails were getting bluish.  I knew that meant my oxygen level was probably extremely unhealthy.  I needed oxygen! – but, was not going to expose myself to whatever-all is readily available to catch in a Romanian hospital.  Instead, I made it to a window, got it open, and between ‘gagging’ coughs, stuck my head out the window and breathed – repeating that two or three times a day.  It did help!    And then after losing twenty pounds in six weeks and my muscles having atrophied beyond anything that would ever get me through airports with its nearly time to return to the States, I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do.  How would I ever make the trip which is grueling enough for a healthy person?!

Well . . .  you know that still, small voice . . . ??   It was still and it was small, but I heard one word – from the Lord.  One word – ‘sustenance’.  And I heard it again.  I realized I needed ‘sustenance’ – food!  I had been so dreadfully sick I hadn’t been able to eat for six weeks!  The Lord was now showing me that I needed to eat something.  There was plenty of food in my flat, but I just plumb couldn’t eat any of it.  I remembered that a friend had given me Wasa – a thin crispy cracker/bread.  That’s all I could tolerate.  It took me a half hour between coughing ‘fits’ to manage just a half one of those.  I managed to eat a whole one in a day.  I continued with the Wasa the next day, and the next eating a little more and a little more – until!, I felt that I could make it down the stairs to the sidewalk – that I could begin to strengthen my legs – and my lungs!  That’s as far as I could get.  The next day a little farther down to the sidewalk, and the next day, even to the end of the block.  I was fighting for my life – and for the strength in my legs to be able to walk through airports in a couple of weeks.  I was determined to make it!

And with great determination, I did! – and all because of just a bit and then a bit more . . . ‘sustenance’!  I think you know where I’m going with this.  I had a pastor many years ago who said pointing to his mouth, “I don’t put food in here”, and then pointing to his ‘heart’, “until I put food in here”.  I’m not sure why we think we can go day after day – for six weeks – for an undetermined amount of time without feeding ourselves spiritually – or, how we can go without spiritual ‘sustenance’.  It amazes me.  I notice that if on occasion I miss my time in the Word communing with my Creator, Sustainer, Savior – I begin to atrophy. spiritually.  It’s just logical – as does muscle atrophy without physical food.

In the airports I knew I would have to walk up to and perhaps over a half hour.  I knew I couldn’t do that without feeding my muscles – strengthening them.  Well, I’m the first to admit that I can’t walk through day (after day) without my soul being fed.  The signs show where I have become weak.  It is then that I know – I NEED SUSTENENCE!  So many times I pray, ‘feed me ‘til I want no more’ -words from that beautiful old song.  I absolutely can’t make it without feeding daily – spiritually as well as physically . . .

How I rejoice that 2000+ years ago, our Lord gave His life on a cross on Golgotha so that we could have life-eternal with Him – have life more abundant.  He gave Himself – He gave us the Word that we might stay strong without weakening spiritually until His return when we see Him face to face!  He is my Divine Sustenance! – my Risen Savior!!

A most Blessed Resurrection Day to you all!!